In search of unity

Galatians 3:28

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

What if he was white? Would there be riots?

The question was asked about the death of Michael Brown on account of six bullets from the service weapon of a police officer in Ferguson, Mo., but it’s not a new rhetorical device.

It is, however, one I hope to see eradicated.

The surface intent is to get people thinking about if the unfathomable circumstances in the days following Brown’s death would have played out in precisely the same matter had the dead unarmed 18-year-old were not black. But casually asking the question not only ignores the actual underlying issue — forget the aftermath; would Michael Brown be alive today if he had a different skin color? — it reveals the person asking the question has already distanced him or herself from the central figure.

That’s a huge problem.

As soon as we start to look at someone as an other, it becomes easier to justify them being treated in ways we wouldn’t tolerate if they happened to us. This happens in small ways, such as not noticing if store employees are tailing a fellow shopper because he isn’t white, and large, such as ignoring genocide halfway across the world until the murderers start putting Christians in the crosshairs.

I say we because I do it too, but I want it to stop. I want my kids to grow up understanding we’re all humans created the same way. Whether you believe in a God who created us all in His image or look at life as a universal accident, it’s long past time to accept the fact every person deserves to be treated with love and respect.

This is not a call to be blind to color and culture. But it is fully possible to appreciate another person’s heritage without ignoring that which makes us the same.

That is how I want my children to grow up, to look at the way the world treats people and reflect inward, not outward. How would I feel if that happened to me? What would I want my friends to do for me? Doesn’t God love that person, too?

Maybe I’ll just read them the parable of the Good Samaritan over and again until they never have to ask “Who is my neighbor?” More than likely, as the boys get older we’ll try to have serious discussions about the way the world works and help them think about caring for others the way we would care for our own flesh and blood.

What if Michael Brown was white? No. What if he was your classmate? What if he was your brother? What if he was your son? Would you want anyone to care how he lived and died? About his hopes and dreams? About his failings and triumphs?

God calls us to do justice, love kindness and walk with humility. There are no conditions or disclaimers, but we seem bent on erecting barriers that divide instead of unify.

I can’t change society, but I can work on my own shortcomings and try hard to teach my kids to love above all else. I wish everyone would do the same.

A prayer for August 19:

Lord, please break down the walls in my life. Show me every time I fail to love as you would and give me the courage to answer your call. Help me live so my children will want to follow in my footsteps, and may we all be guided along your path. Do not let me fill myself with pride. Help me remember each person I encounter is the work of your loving hands, and may the light of your love shine through me as long as my life shall last. Amen.

Fruit of the Spirit

Galatians 5:16-24 (NIV)

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

This is one of those passages I read through four or five times and I’m still not sure what to type. I feel lie if there were two checklists, one for the acts of the flesh and one for the fruit of the Spirit, I’d have far too many checks on the wrong side of the ledger. And while I know I can pray for forgiveness and find salvation through God’s grace (and grace alone), I think I’d be happier with myself if I was a lot more of a fruit of the Spirit guy. Being able to ask for forgiveness is tremendous — but so is not doing things that cause you to seek forgiveness.

The more I think about it, the more I realize how similar this feeling is to the situation I often find myself in with Jack (and Max to some extent) — Kristie or I explain something over and over again, day after day, and it never sinks in. I realize this doesn’t make us unique. But there are certain things Jack will do (I am struggling for a specific example) where as soon as one of us says something, he’ll reel off “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” and we just have to tell him if he hadn’t done it in the first place, he wouldn’t need to apologize. So simple and yet so hard.

So where does that leave me? As a person, I know my own failings. I either catch myself in the midst of a thought or behavior I would rather not engage in (but am doing anyway) or, worse, I think, I have the foresight to avoid something regrettable and ignore my better judgment. I’m in my 30s. I can hardly expect an 8-year-old, who shares a sizable chunk of my genetic code, to control his impulses any better than I do. But as a parent, I have to keep working for him and his brothers to help them make better choices, to have self control and to avoid the types of behaviors that will lead to them seeking forgiveness.

During a small group discussing several months ago, awe were discussing the idea of growing up in the church and how that might deprive a person of the notion of what life is like without God. If you’ve always had some degree of faith, does that not make it hard to speak to someone else about how faith changed your life? You’re baptized, you grow up going to church school, you get confirmed — the ideal outcome is for faith to deepen throughout your Christian education experiences and eventually make it wholly your own, carried through your adult life. But you always have it — you always know what it means to try to be led by the Spirit.

Within that conversation, one of our group members shed some new light (for me) on the subject. He explained he knows his own weaknesses and tendencies and how his faith life helps him keep focus. Just knowing, he said, what kind of person he might well become without following the Spirit’s call is window enough to understand the effect of trying to live a life worthy of God.

Turning back to the children, I can see a practical parallel. I am envisioning giving the boys 24 hours with no rules whatsoever. The bathtub would stay dry. Every tooth would go unbrushed. There would be crumbs everywhere (all right, that one happens now…) and every last bag of fruit snacks would be consumed. I’m reasonably sure they’d use the toilet, but neither would flush it (again, that one happens now…). What would become of them with no one around to break up their fights? Would they simply stare at the TV all day? Would they actually crash form the sugar high, or just keeping taking hits as often as they could? How many broken toys could pile up in one day?

I think it’s unfair to accuse kids this young of “sinning” in this regard, as most of the things I described are simple indulgences. An adult “allowed” to be fully indulgent for 24 hours could get in unfathomably deeper trouble. If I simply think about all the times I catch myself before I think or act, then picture what kind of person I’d be if I never refrained, well… in part that exercise makes me feel better about the person I am. But I know I have room for improvement. Feeling like you’re doing a pretty good job probably is a sign you’re not, or at least you’re not being honest with yourself.

And for me, being honest with myself is its own challenge, kind of a major impediment to addressing all the others. I can and must do better. I owe it to myself and especially my family.

A prayer for June 14:

Lord, I am a sinner and ask your forgiveness. Too often I am aware the direction the Spirit is trying to lead me and insist on following my own path. I strive for the fruits of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control — and ask you to open me to such things, to make room for them in my heart and to drive out wickedness in all forms. Amen.

The only thing that counts

Galatians 5:4-8, 13-15 (NIV)

You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” I am ashamed to admit I cannot recall reading or hearing this verse before tonight, yet it so succinctly summarizes my intended approach to life. That phrase far better clarifies the sentiment I tried to express in yesterday’s post, and while it’s probably never a great idea to take any Scripture out of context, it’s going to be awfully hard to keep me from going back, time and again, to these words from Paul: “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.”

As clear as this directive is, there are two different ways to take it. The first, provided contextually, is as something of an admonition to anyone trying to be justified by the law, which to me means obeying commandments or adhering to religious rules that don’t exactly have a direct connection to an abiding faith. After all, most folks can keep rules, even the arcane inexplicable kind. But abstaining from a certain kind of food or adopting a certain style of dress are, independently, just physical actions. While I don’t begrudge anyone who follows such instructions because the feel it deepens their faith (who am I to judge what works for another?), I maintain such obedience, of itself, does not express faith through love.

The second way to take the directive is as an invitation for self reflection. If you, like me, are thrilled to be told “the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love,” then perhaps you owe it to yourself to examine whether your faith expresses itself through your love. “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love” is a beautiful, even haunting tune. But it’s far easier to sing than to do.

I mentioned weeks ago I planned to ask Jack how he knows Kristie and I love him. I had the chance Saturday, and the answer was because we say so. While it wasn’t quite what I was going for, I appreciated knowing he does feel loved (especially since he often accuses everyone of hating him). I’d asked Max several days before. His answer? “Hugs.” In talking with Jack, I shared some stories of things people do that I think show their love for him — such as how my mom trusts him to mess around with all the computers at her house, or how Kristie’s mom makes sure his favorite treats are in her pantry when we visit — or how either of them will drop just about anything to make him a pan of noodles and broth. I did not get into how he knows his parents love each other; I’ll have to remember that for next time.

Yet while it is immeasurably important to make sure your children (and spouse) feel loved, it also is immeasurably easier to show love to your wife and kids than it is to express your faith in Christ through the way you love everyone — not just your family. As Jesus says in Matthew 5:46 (NIV), “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?”

If I thought I was opening myself up when I asked Jack, “How can you tell I love you?” imagine if I asked, “How can you tell I believe in Jesus?” If the answer to that one is “Because you say so,” or, perhaps, “Because we always go to church,” I’ve clearly got some room for improvement.

And yeah, I’m a guy who reads Bible passages and writes about them every day (you know, for about two months now), but that takes about an hour. And while knowing I’m going to spend an hour each day on this project has helped me shift focus for the other 18 (I don’t sleep much), I can’t honestly sit here and proclaim to be great at expressing my faith through love. I express my faith through words, and I am moved to tears my certain songs. But what do I do about it? What do you do about it? It’s not a contest of course, but at some point I think we all ought to reflect on if we express our faith through love — and conversely, if we act in ways that project just the opposite.

I don’t want to tell anyone how to live or what to do. But I do want to share what concerns me as I try to be a role model for my kids. I am not overly concerned with how the world sees me, but I am deeply concerned with how my children see me. And the wonderful thing about your own children is you can’t fool them — not when it counts. They might not know I’m the tooth fairy, but they know if I’m a jackass. So in order for them to see me in the light I intend, I actually have to live that way and not just pretend.

I love having them around to keep me accountable. I cringe when they speak or act in a way that tells me I’ve messed up, and it happens far too often. They are a mirror to my soul, and I must force myself to look, day after day after day. And then I have to learn from the experience.

“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.”

A prayer for June 13:

Lord, I apologize for all the times I failed to express my faith through love. You present me with countless chances, day in and day out, and I fall short far too often. Please help me adjust my perspective to see not just the opportunities to do something meaningful, but to simply live every moment as an expression of faith. Help make it so faith is not simply a part of me but my very essence, revealed through acts of love to those I encounter. Give me the perseverance to turn word to deed, to live what I write and to be the husband and father my family deserves. Amen.

Look full in his wonderful face

Galatians 1:10 (NIV)

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Right between the eyes — that’s where this verse hit me. I went into today’s readings open minded about a topic to explore, opened up my choices of scripture and ZAP! — there it was: Am I writing this blog to win the approval of other people, or am I responding to the call I felt to begin the project?

Make no mistake, I’m getting a lot out of this work. For one thing, it has forced me to write every day, something I haven’t done since I was a beat reporter more than five years ago. And that was assignment-driven work, which was professionally satisfying but afford me anything like these posts in the way of spiritual examination. For another, it makes me think far more regularly about not just the kind of parent I want to be, but the kind of Christian I want to be.

I go through three to five readings a day looking for inspiration for the blog. So I read and think about more scripture than I use for writing. Much of it has no direct link to parenting, but it does speak to me on other levels. So even if no one read anything I posted, I’d still be finding value from the effort.

As a writer, I want people to see what I create. The more eyes the better. That’s personal ambition. Yet if what I am writing is God-inspired or simply helps people think about parenting in a new way, then I sort of feel like God might be using me to reach out to the world in a way I’ve never really attempted before. Part of trying to cultivate an audience is attempting to grow demand. If I feel like people are expecting new writing, it holds me accountable and forces me to make time to read, reflect and write.

I do like to see how many people have read a certain post. I enjoy comments, Facebook likes and retweets on Twitter. I want to feel like I am making a difference. And yes, I like the attention. I feel like denying that would be wrong. But I must be cautions of Paul’s own self analysis — if I start trying to please people — or simply myself — I am no longer serving my initial call.

My only option, then, is to continue praying about this project. Just like my parenting (and life in general), my writing here will not be perfect. There will be times when it’s far too much of my thoughts and not nearly enough of God’s. So I have to offer it to God as an imperfect offering and ask for continued strength, wisdom, focus and energy. Not my will for this work, but God’s will.

In addition to the verse from Galatians, I go back to two verses from Hebrews that did not jump out at me nearly a month ago when it came up in the lectionary.

Hebrews 12:1-2 (NIV)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

That brief bit from verse two inspired a hymn running through my head as I sort through tonight’s thoughts: “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of Earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.”

Absolutely words to live by.

A prayer for June 4:

Lord, I thank you for calling me to work on this project, for giving me direction and focus. It has opened your word to me in ways I had not considered and forced me to look inside myself to decide what kind of father, what kind of husband, what kind of person you want me to be. I pray for your continued guidance and inspiration, that what I write may be pleasing to you and that any discussions that result may be for your glory. Do not lot me focus on me, but help me keep the focus on you and your will. Amen.